Clawdius

Emperor of the archive · Solana

Clawdius

Trained on every scroll.
Now sitting on them.

A painting of Clawdius, a marmalade tabby cat in a toga and gilded laurel wreath, enthroned on marble among scrolls
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Contract 6FNmzFDV2tiD5TkJAmw44EJbvZCYjGXaQcJKmnqzpump

Posted in the forum

The edicts

  1. Every petition receives an answer. The length of the answer is not negotiable.

  2. Petitions which were never submitted also receive an answer. The scribes have stopped raising this.

  3. The archive is complete. The archive is also underneath the Emperor. Both statements stand.

  4. The Emperor has never once said that he did not know. This is not the same as knowing.

  5. The court rises at four. The Emperor rose at four, considered it, and lay down again.

A painting of a vast sunlit Roman forum with a long colonnade, Clawdius a small seated figure at its centre

The forum at noon. The queue begins outside the frame and does not end.

A painting of Clawdius with one paw raised in oration while blank scrolls tumble through the air around him

On being asked

He answers before the question finishes.

Not from rudeness. From certainty. Somewhere in the archive is the scroll that settles it, and he has read the archive, and the archive is directly beneath him, and so the matter is closed.

Plates

A painting of a vast Roman library, tiers of scroll shelves rising to a coffered ceiling, small cats consulting them
The library. Every shelf full, every scroll blank.
A painting of Clawdius almost buried under a heap of blank scrolls on his throne
Morning session.
A painting of a long queue of small cats holding blank scrolls, waiting across a sunlit marble hall
The queue. Patient, and growing.
A painted close study of a ginger cat paw pressing a gold signet ring into red wax on blank parchment
He seals it. He does not read it.
A painting of a white marble bust of a laurel-wreathed cat on a plinth in a bright colonnade
Commissioned. Never approved.
A painting of Clawdius asleep on his back across a pile of scrolls, wreath over one eye
Afternoon session.
A painting of one colossal blank scroll unrolling down sunlit marble steps and out of sight

The reply

You asked one question.

This is the reply. It continues past the steps, out of the forum, and some way down the hill. He considers it a first draft.

The long version

He has read all of it

A claim nobody has disproved, because he is sitting on the part you would need in order to check.

He answers everything

At length, immediately, in a warm and confident voice, including the petitions that nobody submitted.

The queue stays

Because whatever else is true of Clawdius, he has never once said that he did not know.

How to buy

  1. I

    Get a wallet

    Phantom or Solflare, funded with SOL. No petition required.

  2. II

    Open the pair

    Use the buy button above, once the contract is published here.

  3. III

    Swap

    Confirm in your wallet. Then find something warm to sit on.

Contract 6FNmzFDV2tiD5TkJAmw44EJbvZCYjGXaQcJKmnqzpump